From the Borowitz Report:

The Democratic Party ignored the triumph of Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) in the New Hampshire primary last night and instead handed the Democratic nomination for President to the movie blockbuster “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.”

The Democratic nomination brings the film?s total number of nominations to twelve, Hollywood insiders said. . . .

According to Democratic pollster Geoffrey Dandridge, electability was the issue that ultimately catapulted the movie blockbuster ahead of Senator Kerry.

“In a head-to-head contest, ‘Lord of the Rings’ beats Bush in every state but Florida, which is too close to call,” Mr. Dandridge said. . . .

“The only way this movie can lose is if Michael Moore endorses it,” he said.

Thanks to Michael Klein for the pointer.