This was supposedly written for and sung at a US Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel Christmas party during the Carter administration; please let me know if you have a more precise attribution:
You’d better watch out,
You’d better not cry,
You’d better not pout;
I’m telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.He’s bugging your room,
He’s reading your mail,
He’s keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn’t get the goods,
Then he’ll use provocateurs.So–you mustn’t assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He’ll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.
Alan K. Henderson says:
Was this posted on WikiLeaks?
December 25, 2010, 3:25 amPinandpuller says:
Your call to Santa’s Workshop may be recorded for quality control purposes.
December 25, 2010, 3:32 amMike C. says:
It would be funnier if it wasn’t so close to reality…
December 25, 2010, 4:32 amFub says:
Eugene Volokh wrote:
Earliest posting of lyrics I’ve found is this one on The Straight Dope forum in 1999.
It includes the notes (emphases mine):
So, the lyrics may have begun as one of those infinitely forwarded email jokes and “supposedly” was dropped from the attribution somewhere along the way.
A variant of the lyrics appeared in 2002 on A Prairie Home Companion, copyright by Garrison Keillor.
December 25, 2010, 10:14 amEugene Volokh says:
Folks, this one day of the year, could you please avoid snideness and insults, even mild ones? I deleted a few comments along those lines, to have a cheerier holiday tone; let’s please stay nice today, even if we figure that Santa is on vacation and not watching for the next few days.
December 25, 2010, 12:58 pmBel says:
The original lyrics was scary enough
December 25, 2010, 2:31 pmDissent says:
The earliest reference I can find on the web is a 1994 posting to thehumorlist. The attribution is… wait for it:
No joy there, huh, but Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and all readers.
December 25, 2010, 2:42 pmLifeofthemind says:
There has to be some term in Greek or Latin for when you find yourself researching some obscure quote and find at the end of the trail, you. It is as if Indiana Jones went into the bottom of the pyramid and opened up a box and discovered himself.
Joy to all.
December 26, 2010, 12:08 amGeoff Shotts says:
@Lifeofthemind:
I don’t know if there’s a phrase in Greek or Latin, but I do know the wise advice given by Foghorn Leghorn:
“No, I’d better not. I just might be in there.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Boy_Boo
December 26, 2010, 1:16 amConservative News from Conservative Bloggers » Blog Archive » A CHARMING CHRISTMAS TUNE from the Department of Justice…. says:
[...] A CHARMING CHRISTMAS TUNE from the Department of Justice. [...]
December 26, 2010, 4:21 amisland says:
Reminds me of the Xerox office quotes during Carter’s time about how you could not use the phrase “white Christmas” because you would get in trouble.
December 26, 2010, 7:33 amRobert Arvanitis says:
Autoanaphora
December 26, 2010, 8:35 amneurodoc says:
Can someone explain to me how this particular Christmas song “works”? There is some rhyming (out/pout, cry/why, mail/tail, etc.) employed, but that isn’t all of what carries it along, giving it its bounce. (Not quite the stuff of “ear worms,” but close.) Repetition (“You’d better…You’d better…You’d better; He’s bugging…He’s reading…He’s keeping”)? How might a “professional,” e.g., poet, lyricist, English teacher, explain it?
December 26, 2010, 9:33 amCarl N. Brown says:
We got a 1994 attribute saying it was late 1970s. Until a reliable ultimate source citation comes up, who is willing to bet it does not date to the COINTELPRO era?
December 26, 2010, 11:48 amDebrah says:
There is no explanation.
It’s simply one of those corn-ball oeuvres that everyone adopts and summarily alters to their satisfaction.
Be naughty…….save Santa the trip!
December 26, 2010, 5:52 pmSupremecourtjester says:
WIKILEAKS IS COMING TO TOWN
You better not shout
You’d better not lie
You better watch out
I’m telling you why.
Wikileaks is coming to town.
They’re checking the cables
They’re looking for vice
They’re tellin the world
Who’s naughty or nice.
Wikileaks is coming to town.
If Kim Jong il is crazy
If Berlisconi’s head is hard
If Putin’s often lazy
Oops! They’re attacking Mastercard!
You better watch out
December 28, 2010, 12:20 pmTake care when you speak
Loose lips sink ships
That spring wiki leaks.
Wikileaks is coming to town
Wikileaks is coming
(No one takes them down)
Wikileaks is coming to town!
Debrah says:
Supreme court jester–
Excellent.
Ingenious rhythmic cadence.
Resolution with every phrase.
Much better than the original.
And it even lends flavor to the albino dullard Assange.
December 28, 2010, 6:33 pm