My Favorite Comment, from the Armed Professors Thread:
Posted by commenter Hoosier:
In order to reflect the hierarchy of faculty, there would have to be stratification:
Assistant Professors get muzzle-loaders
Associate Professors get semi-automatics
Full Professors get automatics
Adjuncts get a sharp letter-opener
Chaired Professors are irrelevant, since they never come to campus
UPDATE: Commenter The Hobbesian Father (Greg for short) follows up:
I'm sympathetic to the plan, but I can't see how it would possibly work unless the changes to campus policy allowed grad students to shoot the bad guys for the professors.
Related Posts (on one page):
- My Favorite Comment, from the Armed Professors Thread:
- Armed Police Officers at Universities:
- Armed Professors and Mass Killings:
"PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored"
And so on down the food chain to the technical staff.
I suppose in this case the technical staff would not officially be issued weapons, but would use university machine tools and their spare time to manufacture state of the art ICBMs.
Wouldn't the football and basketball coaches get more expensive guns that anyone else?
Isn't academic politics rough enough already?
If you are in a place to eat, and someone comes in, throw plates.
You are not limited to guns to have an effective response, only to have a conditioned one.
Books are especially effective when thrown because if they open they provide chatter, if they stay closed they hit fairly hard, and most students have a few.
When I was a first year student at Hastings in San Francisco and riding the Muni home to my flat just down the street from USF's law school, a purse snatcher grabbed a woman's purse and stepped into the middle exit door to leave as the bus was about to stop.
I chucked my hard-shell briefcase at the back of his head from about 5-6 feet away just as the door opened. The briefcase had my Criminal Law and Civil Procedure textbooks in it.
The perp was catapulted out the door, head first with his feet off the steps and rising. He dropped the purse inside the door and my briefcase fell straight down. The door closed with him lying flat on the pavement outside, and the purse and my briefcase inside the bus's steps and door.
A nice old lady picked those up, returned them to the victim and me, and said "Nice shot".
I had to use a screwdriver to pry the briefcase open in my flat. It was totalled.
On a different note, this is the first set of discussions that I have seen at the Volokh Conspiracy to have brought out the trolls to a significant degree.
Based on most college cafeterias I've seen, throw the food instead. It will do more damage.
Nick
Fulton something, I think - my stop was at the top of the hill by Kendricks. It was an overhead throw due to the lack of room (just enough space to swing the briefcase back, then slightly to the right as it went up, and finally straight forward), and worked only because I was so close.
Associate professor: semi auto
Assistant professor: bolt action
Adjunct professor: single-shot
Teaching assistant: muzzle loader
http://www-static.cc.gatech.edu/~shivers/autoweapons.html