A variety of celebrity candidates have thrown their hats into the ring in the race to become the first President of Red Sox Nation. I was thinking of endorsing the candidacy of one of my favorite ESPN columnists, Bill "the Sports Guy" Simmons. However, I fear that the Sports Guy's candidacy has been irreparably damaged by some negative campaigning by acting president Jerry Remy, the Red Sox announcer. In the unfortunate event that Simmons drops out of the first tier of candidates, I will be forming an exploratory committee to consider the possibility of running myself. We are happy to take your campaign donations!
Here are some of my qualifications for the job:
1. Like current Red Sox GM Theo Epstein and his guru Bill James, I am a big advocate of Moneyball strategies for assessing players, not to mention legal academics.
2. I have defended the free speech rights of Dice-K Matsuzaka.
3. I have helped expose a nefarious scheme by Red Sox Nation's Public Enemy No. 1.
4. I have brought new attention to several major underappreciated Yankees' playoff disasters.
5. I have worshipped at the shrine of The Big Papi.
6. My election will increase the appeal of the Red Sox in the growing Russian Jewish immigrant demographic, not to mention the libertarian, atheist, legal, and nerd sectors. No other candidate can appeal to all these groups at once, I'm willing to bet.
7. Red Sox Nation needs a president who will strike fear into the hearts of the Emperor Steinbrenner and his minions. And, as my mother once put it, "people are afraid of lawyers."
8. I have incorporated the Red Sox (and their rivalry with the Yankees) into a rational choice theory of political behavior. Here again, I'm betting that no other candidate has done anything comparable.
- if you did not pass out from despair when Bucky Dent hit his home run in the 1978 playoff game;
- if you did not suffer chest pains when the ball went through Bill Buckner's legs;
- if you have never, in June of any year, asked, "What's wrong with the Red Sox?";
- if you cannot name the Red Sox starting lineup for the 1962 opening game;
- if you have never chastised another Red Sox National for predicting a World Series championship before the season started;
then you are not qualified for the job. How do you plead?
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中国肿瘤网：
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癌症康复网：
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中国骨科网：
骨科 骨折 骨坏死 骨质增生 椎间盘突出 颈椎病 类风湿病 风湿免疫 骨髓炎 骨质疏松 腰肌劳损 痛风 风湿骨病 强直性脊柱炎 糖尿病 糖尿病
What do AmHerst and feces have in common? ;)
- if you have never, in June of any year, asked, "What's wrong with the Red Sox?";
Every citizen of RS Nation knows the Red Sox don't collapse until after the All Star game in July.
Anyway, I nominate Jack McCarthy, who wrote this ode to Billy Buckner