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More about vampires:

In my last post about vampires, I recommended Paul Bibeau's Sundays with Vlad: From Pennsylvania to Transylvania, One Man's Quest to Live in the World of the Undead.

I've now finished the book, and here are a couple more funny snippets:

"I was having parties, orgies with hot Dutch girls, and going to England on weekends," [said Father Sebastiaan, a creator of the vamp club scene]. "One day I went to a music festival and did so many drugs I woke up in Sweden." (p. 155)

The following is about Tray White, a documentary filmmaker who covered the Minnesota gubernatorial campaign of vampire satanist (and impalement advocate) Jonathon Sharkey:

"At first I wanted to pull all these crazy-ass pranks on him," White says. "I wasted a couple of days just fucking with him, making up names and saying, 'So Sir Furrington of East Timor has threatened to nuke the state of Vermont. If you were president right now what would you do?' He'd start talking about how he was going to feed off the children of Sir Furrington." White threw in Thom Yorke, the name of the lead singer of his favorite band, Radiohead. He pretended Yorke was a political leader in Britain who had said he would invade the state of Minnesota.

"I have him on camera saying, 'I'm going to kill Thom Yorke.'" . . .

"He kept saying he was going to kill George Bush," says White. "I told him, 'Okay, dude, you can't say that. You can say when you're elected, you're going to try George Bush, and once he's found guilty, then you're going to impale him . . ." He doesn't know how much good it did. (pp. 172-73)

And finally, discussing an article called "To the Parents of a Sanguinarian," which is "filled with tips for a parent whose child has just come out of the closet as a vampire":

This makes me have a flash of my son growing up and having the Most Uncomfortable Conversation Ever with him.

Son: I want you to know something about me.

Dad: I think I know what you're going to say, and I want you to know, it's all right. Your mother and I love you just as you are. There's nothing wrong with being gay.

Son: I'm a vampire.

Dad: (Pause) There's nothing wrong with being gay.

Son: I'm not gay, Dad. I'm straight. But I have a need for fresh human blood.

Dad: (Longer pause) You and your boyfriend are always welcome to come home, and I want you to know . . .

Son: I don't have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend. She's a dental hygienist, and she's Type O Positive. Dad, we're vampires, and we're happy together. We drink each other's blood. Vampires, Dad.

Dad: Couldn't you just try to be gay? For your mother?

This concludes my plug for the book. The author, Paul Bibeau, also points out that he has a new blog, The Dracula Innocence Project. "Was Dracula framed? Why did a small group of people chase a terrified Transylvanian dignitary through the streets of London, and fatally run him through with a blade? We'll examine the evidence. You be the judge." Check it out!

Scott Scheule (mail):

"One day I went to a music festival and did so many drugs I woke up in Sweden." (p. 155)


Why is it always Sweden? Even stranger, every time I've tried to get there sober, I always end up in Finland or somewhere in southern Lithuania (and if you think Sophia had a rough choice, you've never made that one). Yet somehow the right cocktail of ludes and E always makes the human race long for bleak, bleary Stockholm and head there like a migratory tern that imprinted on the landscape in its youth.
11.5.2007 11:34am
ys:

Why is it always Sweden? Even stranger, every time I've tried to get there sober, I always end up in Finland or somewhere in southern Lithuania (and if you think Sophia had a rough choice, you've never made that one).

Why is it that when southern Lithuania comes up it's always dissed? In reality, it's a great place to booze up on flavorful local country moonshine, as some conspirators could attest. As to Finland, the choice indeed would be hard since it's also beautiful (you meant Sophie, not Sophia, or you have me thoroughly confused about choices).
11.5.2007 12:25pm
Scott Scheule (mail):
I meant Sophie. And give me a break--the reason southern Lithuania's always dissed is because it's as close to Hell as one can get without watching a Friends marathon on TBS. Finland's pretty, but never forget these four words: ravenous, man-eating polar bears.

But I do take your statement that the majority of Volokh conspirators are lushes, which has been the going theory at Daily Kos for a while now.
11.5.2007 12:39pm
Gary McGath (www):
Fred Saberhagen showed in <i>The Dracula Tape</i> that Dracula was framed.
11.5.2007 12:43pm
Paul Bibeau (mail) (www):
Now you've given me a book that I have to check out...

Thanks!
11.5.2007 1:33pm
Waldensian (mail):

it's as close to Hell as one can get without watching a Friends marathon on TBS.

I'm totally going to steal this line. Well done. So vivid.
11.5.2007 1:43pm
John Smith (mail):
Interestingly, the historical Dracula (Vlad Tepes, the Impaler) was not from Transylvania. He was from Wallachia, part of what is now Romania. And until 1919, from around 900, Transylvania was part of Hungary, not Romania as it is today.

Transylvania is associated with Dracula because Bram Stoker thought that Transylvania sounded like a cool place for a vampire to come from.

Needless to say, this annoys Hungarians, who don't like Romanians to begin with, and are particularly annoyed when a Romanian vampire is associated with what was part of Hungary for most of the past 1000 years.
11.5.2007 1:46pm
Paul Bibeau (mail) (www):
And to make matters weirder, he was played by an actor from Lugos, which was in Hungary at the time -- spawning conspiracy theories among Romanians about a Hungarian making them look bad -- but is now part of Romania itself. I love this stuff, but it makes my head hurt.
11.5.2007 1:48pm
wm13:
Stranger still, 99.9% of Americans don't know the difference between Romania and Hungary and don't care. Sort of similar to the issues my Danish wife has: no one in America shares her views about the inferiority of Jutland to Sjaelland or understands the Schleswig-Holstein question.
11.5.2007 1:56pm
Ex-Fed (mail) (www):
Wonderful. Yet another left-wing assault on the throats of America. It's not enough that we have gays cramming their agenda down them. Now we're encouraging vampires to bite them. What's next? VC carrying water for tattoo artists? Headsmen? Folk-jewelry artists?
11.5.2007 1:57pm
JB:
Isn't Translvania the galaxy from which Dr. Franknfurter came?
11.5.2007 1:58pm
Doc (in China) (mail):
Frankly, I'd love to take enough drugs to wind up in another country. Even if it is Sweden. There's something attractive about such an epic bender.

I always find myself in the same country I began in.
11.5.2007 2:01pm
ys:

Sort of similar to the issues my Danish wife has: no one in America shares her views about the inferiority of Jutland to Sjaelland or understands the Schleswig-Holstein question.


wm13: Your wife could go to Germany to find much more understanding. The major monuments in Berlin are still dedicated to that glorious German victory, including the Victory Column smack in the center and the pilfered and humiliated Danish Lion on the shores of the infamous Wannsee. Sort of like the Canadian obssession with their amazing victory in the Crimean War.
11.5.2007 2:41pm
Cornellian (mail):
America shares her views about the inferiority of Jutland to Sjaelland or understands the Schleswig-Holstein question.

We'll come up with a view once we figure out how to pronounce those words. So far we've only figured out "Jutland."
11.5.2007 2:48pm
ys:

And give me a break--the reason southern Lithuania's always dissed is because it's as close to Hell as one can get without watching a Friends marathon on TBS. Finland's pretty, but never forget these four words: ravenous, man-eating polar bears.

Then, only two choices present themselves:
1) you have never been to southern Lithuania
2) you confuse it with southern North Dakota

Ditto for Finland (although the second choice is more likely in that case)

For the record: I have never watched "Friends" much less TBS marathons, I am generally not big on S&M, so I admit to not knowing your baseline.
11.5.2007 2:52pm
TribalPundit (W&M 0L) (mail) (www):
Sort of similar to the issues my Danish wife has: no one in America shares her views about the inferiority of Jutland to Sjaelland or understands the Schleswig-Holstein question.

I completely disagree that Jutland is inferior to Zealand. It's just more sinister.
11.5.2007 3:18pm
Arkady:

Stranger still, 99.9% of Americans don't know the difference between Romania and Hungary and don't care.


Well, I can tell the Hungarian from the Romanian rasphodies.
11.5.2007 3:24pm
Scott Scheule (mail):

Then, only two choices present themselves:
1) you have never been to southern Lithuania
2) you confuse it with southern North Dakota


My grandmarmiee (which is the S. Lithuanian word for grandmother) would be most distressed to hear this, since it would mean that an impostor has been visiting her in central Alytus these past forty years. "Scheule," incidentally, is an old Lithuanian name: you may not recognize it because at Ellis Island my father (or "parpiee") respelled it so the "u" no longer has a slash through it paired with the double umlaut (hard to pronounce, even harder to type). In fact, I've even met Arvo Pärt, who was Lithuania's premier composer back when it was still called Estonia.

Now, it is true that I sometimes confuse Scandinavian countries with Dakotas, but that's only because most of them have so many monuments with Teddy Roosevelt's likeness. Anyway, Teddy Roosevelt might have been a vampire, which is my larger point here.
11.5.2007 3:57pm
Jaime non-Lawyer:
On Spring Break I got so drunk that I ended up in St. Augustine, but that's neither here nor there.

Many people believe that much of Dracula was actually based on Elizabeth Bathory. You can read more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_B%C3%A1thory.
11.5.2007 3:57pm
Jay Goodman Tamboli (mail) (www):
Aš galiu valgyti stiklą ir jis manęs nežeidžia.
11.5.2007 4:08pm
ys:

Aš galiu valgyti stiklą ir jis manęs nežeidžia

Dear JGT: you just need to find a special valgykla to engage in your favorite activity.
11.5.2007 6:22pm
ys:

Now, it is true that I sometimes confuse Scandinavian countries with Dakotas, but that's only because most of them have so many monuments with Teddy Roosevelt's likeness. Anyway, Teddy Roosevelt might have been a vampire, which is my larger point here.

That's because you indeed ended up in Hoople every time. Poor little grandmother of yours was duped. Meeting Arvo Pärt there is just the final proof. He is a well known disciple of PDQ and his music fits the PDQ canon very nicely.
Labas vakaras, my friend, happy vamping at the U of SND.
11.5.2007 6:38pm
Jay Kurtz (mail):
@Scott: Watch the digs on South Dakota.
11.5.2007 9:53pm
Maniakes (mail):
Aš galiu valgyti stiklą ir jis manęs nežeidžia

A legparnasom tele van angolnaval.
11.5.2007 10:58pm
Alan K. Henderson (mail) (www):
Vampires don't have to cook, don't need electric lighting, and since they can fly they don't need cars for regular commutes. The ultimate in carbon footprint reduction :-)
11.6.2007 9:43am