Wasn't there a Jim Carrey comedy in which a guy got raped by a giant mutant hamster? (or possibly some other giant rodent)

I agree with Ex-Fed; the guy could totally write a lowbrow comedy based around this and sell it to Hollywood.

The call struck me as crazy rather than a joke until someone explained to me that (1) many New Zealanders have a poor opinion of Australians, and (2) such people make fun of the Australian accent.

Watch the brilliant HBO series "The Flight of the Conchords," a comedy about a pair of musicians from New Zealand trying to make it in New York. They are regularly annoyed at being mistaken for Australians (or Brits).

American (to the two muscians, commenting on their behavior) "Hey, I don't know how things work over in England"

Conchords "New Zealand!"

American "whatever."

Or in another situation:

Conchord: "I'm from New Zealand"

Clueless idiot: "You mean with Vikings?"

Conchord "uhh....."

They have sharp claws too - for burrowing. Cute but not cuddly!

And you should hear an annoyed male Koala...

It's helluva situation where a citizen can't report a crime without being charged with providing false information.

guilty of wasting police time,

This is why wombat rape is vastly under-reported...

There you go again, spending time posting on a frivolous topic while [important topic which is in the news] goes completely unmentioned on the VC. Who do you think you are? Sometimes I really feel I'm not getting my money's worth.

JB:
I don't know, are wombats edible?

Dr. Weevil,
I don't think weevils eat wombats.

If Mr. Cradock had taken Confucius' famous advice for coping in such situations (when rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it), then he wouldn't have the 75 hours of community service to do.

Those who are really bad alcoholics may experience delirium tremens (DTs) when they stop drinking abruptly, and DTs are often marked by florid hallucinations involving unusual animals, e.g., "pink elephants." My first thought was that Cradock might have been going through DTs, but his follow-up call suggests he wasn't delirious (not going through DTs)or otherwise in a state of diminished mental capacity. Far more likely, he was less impressively intoxicated, a bit disinhibited, and thought he was being funny in front of one or more other inebriates when he made the 911 call. Anyway, that's my medical perspective on the story. (Oh, and Cradock ought to be counseled to take vitamin B1 supplements, because those who derive most of their "nutrition" from alcohol over an extended period of time and don't get enough B1, or thiamine, in what they do eat, are liable to develop a devastating neurologic injury, namely Wernicke's encephalopathy.)

BTW, The South Island of NZ is very beautiful, and Motueka, where Cradock hails from, is especially beautiful.

(1) many New Zealanders have a poor opinion of Australians...

One of the grievances that Kiwis have against Aussies is that possums were introduced to NZ from OZ, and that non-native creature has had a devastating effect on the ecology of NZ, killing off ground-nesting birds unique to NZ. NZ has been afflicted by possums as OZ has been by the introduction of rabbits there.

I expect Australians have some reason(s) to complain about NZers in turn. I don't know what that would be, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if it traced to some sports rivalry, like in rugby.

Larry Miller as Dean Richmond in The Nutty Professor was "the Hamster's Bitch".

I have never taken away anyone's car keys because they were intoxicated and planning on driving, but once I did take away a friend's phone.

Friends don't let friends dial drunk.

"Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court that alcohol played a large role in [the man's] life."

Sounds an awful lot like blaming the victim. Next we'll hear that he led the wombat on.

NicolasV, I think when they do their ritual pre-game display, the All Blacks scare the crap out of your guys. (Hell, they scare me just watching them on the tube, especially the ones all tatted up in the manner of Mike Tyson.)

Um, I think the police have only themselves to blame for (1) investigating an alleged wombat rape and (2) investigating whether it left a man with an Australian accent.

...Only the Cohn Bros could do justice to this tragedy.

To put your mind at rest, "Although powerfully built and about the size of a small pig, [wombats] are very rarely dangerous."

That puts my mind at rest like this statement:

...and may I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find any toothmarks at all anywhere on their bodies, they're to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up.

If Mr. Cradock had taken Confucius' famous advice for coping in such situations (when rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it), then he wouldn't have the 75 hours of community service to do.

I cannot say for certain, but I strongly suspect that such advice was given only to women, or in situations of rape involving women. I simply cannot imagine a man telling other men to just take it like a pansy.

The wombat, through a representative, said something about a wide stance. He is avowedly heterosexual (heterowombativesexual?).