I got to see The Day After Tomorrow over the weekend, and unlike some grumpy conservatives I could name, I thoroughly enjoyed it. The movie raised many interesting questions, the most important of which was probably, if there were another ice age, what would be the best SUV to have? I noted with amusement that when Dennis Quaid took his son to the airport, he drove a Honda Hamster, or whatever you call their vile, little electric vehicle. But when the time came to brave the mother of all blizzards, and drive to New York to save his ice-bound son, he elected to use a fully equipped, big manly 4 wheel drive pickup. The truck got stuck somewhere north of Philadelphia, of course — you can’t have an SUV be the hero — and Dr. Quaid had to snowshoe the rest of the way, but don’t worry. It’s only a couple hundred miles in whiteout conditions.
Among many silly and impossible events was a display of magical crevasse rescue technique. Quaid’s loyal assistant falls through the snow covered roof of a shopping mall, but the resourceful Quaid belayed him with an ice hammer. Then, without setting an anchor, he crawls to the edge of the hole, but not in time to save his loyal assistant, who elects bravely to cut the rope and fall to his death. This seemed especially heroic, given that it was a magic rope, holding him up even though the other end of it was not tied to anything except Quaid, who when crawling toward the hole would presumably have lowered his comrade and then fallen in himself. But why worry about the basic physics of weights and pullies when you have global warming to contend with!
This was only one of many hilarious moments. You get to see a TV news hound swept away in mid syllable by part of flying house as tornados wreak havoc in LA. A gigantic tidal surge rolls over Lady Liberty till only her head and little torch are sticking out. Politically correct ice hurricanes freeze the northern hemisphere, but for some reason the southern hemisphere remains toasty, probably because they have fewer SUVs. Not once, but three times, the Dick Cheney look alike has to eat crow, while scientists say “if only you had listened to us when there was still time!” Apparently, the new ice age could have been stopped anytime up to a few hours before it started.
This movie is not a danger to the republic; it is attack of the killer tomatoes. I advise fellows on the right to relax and enjoy the fun. If you can’t laugh at the end of the world, what can you laugh at? I hope by the time it comes out in video, I will have my Yukon XL with built in DVD player and, just be on the safe side, the cold weather package.
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