There are four kinds of people (at least among heterosexuals of my circle, who are those whom I have most studied on this score): (1) Men whose closest friends are men. (2) Men whose closest friends are women. (3) Women whose closest friends are men. (4) Women whose closest friends are women. (Yes, I know there are the half-and-halfs, and we should really be talking about a spectrum for each gender rather than categories, but bear with my oversimplifications here.)
I’ve been category two my whole adult life. My best man at my wedding was my brother, but my other attendants were two groomsmaids. I’ve always found it much easier to talk about personal matters with women than with men. I tend to enjoy casual chitchat with women more than with men. Nor did most of these friendships flow from my desire to be romantically involved with those women (that’s true of a few, but only a few).
I’m pretty sure that historically categories one and four were dominant, but as professional and educational institutions have gotten more integrated, I suspect that categories two and three have grown (though I’d guess they’re still a minority). But why is it that some people are in one category and others in another? Do the categories correlate with any other behavioral traits? I’ve always wondered about this, but haven’t come to much of a conclusion.
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