Things are even worse than you could have imagined:

Jonathan Rowe points to this column by Les Kinsolving (WorldNetDaily), complaining about Vice President Cheney’s support for his lesbian daughter:

[W]hat if Mr. One-Heartbeat-Away in the White House had a daughter who was a masochist who fell in love with a sadist? (And she loved being beaten, as much as her lover enjoyed beating her.)

Would Mr. Cheney have announced in Davenport his support of weddings with leather dresses, whips and chains?

A later Kinsolving column elaborated:

If sodomists and sadomasochists should be allowed to obtain marriage licenses, what other happiness-pursuers should be denied? . . .

[Gay rights advocate Franklin] Kameny concludes his e-mail by affirming:

“No persuasive or credible justification or proof has been presented for limiting or forbidding marriages between sadists and masochists, or between two men or two women. Therefore such couples have the right to have their marriages formally and legally recognized by what are THEIR governments also.”

Marriage licenses for sadomasochists.

It’s interesting, however appalling, to see what’s next on the agenda of the Sodomy Lobby.

Sounds pretty shocking, no? Well, I’ll tell you something worse: Doubtless due to the sinister machinations of the Sodomy Lobby, sadomachosists are already allowed to obtain marriage licenses. Celebrating weddings with leather dresses, whips and chains has already been legalized. In every state in the union. Ever since the Sodomy Lobby took over the nation, in the 1990s, if I recall correctly.

Oh, whoops, it turns out I didn’t recall correctly — such depraved weddings have, to my knowledge, always been legal. I’m unaware of any law, past or present, regulating the amount of leather or metal at weddings. (Social norms, sure, but somehow no laws.)

No Marriage Police monitor couples’ bedrooms so they can swoop down and strip husbands and wives of their marriage licenses for consensual sadomasochism. What’s more, if a man and a woman walked down to their local courthouse and asked for a marriage license while proudly announcing their sadomasochistic preferences, I doubt they’d be denied such a license. And if they would be, I suspect such a denial would itself be illegal, since to the best of my knowledge clerks have a legal obligation to issue licenses once certain objective prerequisites are met, and lack of intent to engage in sadomasochism isn’t one of those prerequisites.

But wait, it gets still more depraved. There are probably tens of millions of married couples in which the parties regularly practice sodomy. Sodomy is sometimes defined only as anal sex, but sometimes also as oral sex, which is surely the definition Mr. Kinsolving must be using, since his objection was prompted by Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter, who presumably wasn’t having much anal sex. It’s also sometimes defined as purely homosexual, but generally as either heterosexual or homosexual; and since Mr. Kinsolving condemns sadomasochistic marriages without any mention of the sex of their partners, I take it he’d likewise disapprove of marriages of any sort that include that hideous crime of sodomy.

Yet no-one does a thing about these marriages. No marriage licenses are revoked. None are denied. Shameful. Shameless. A shame. Why don’t people realize that we all have to make sure that none of our fellow married couples are having sex the wrong way?

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