In my last post about vampires, I recommended Paul Bibeau’s Sundays with Vlad: From Pennsylvania to Transylvania, One Man’s Quest to Live in the World of the Undead.
I’ve now finished the book, and here are a couple more funny snippets:
“I was having parties, orgies with hot Dutch girls, and going to England on weekends,” [said Father Sebastiaan, a creator of the vamp club scene]. “One day I went to a music festival and did so many drugs I woke up in Sweden.” (p. 155)
The following is about Tray White, a documentary filmmaker who covered the Minnesota gubernatorial campaign of vampire satanist (and impalement advocate) Jonathon Sharkey:
“At first I wanted to pull all these crazy-ass pranks on him,” White says. “I wasted a couple of days just fucking with him, making up names and saying, ‘So Sir Furrington of East Timor has threatened to nuke the state of Vermont. If you were president right now what would you do?’ He’d start talking about how he was going to feed off the children of Sir Furrington.” White threw in Thom Yorke, the name of the lead singer of his favorite band, Radiohead. He pretended Yorke was a political leader in Britain who had said he would invade the state of Minnesota.
“I have him on camera saying, ‘I’m going to kill Thom Yorke.'” . . .
“He kept saying he was going to kill George Bush,” says White. “I told him, ‘Okay, dude, you can’t say that. You can say when you’re elected, you’re going to try George Bush, and once he’s found guilty, then you’re going to impale him . . .” He doesn’t know how much good it did. (pp. 172-73)
And finally, discussing an article called “To the Parents of a Sanguinarian,” which is “filled with tips for a parent whose child has just come out of the closet as a vampire”:
This makes me have a flash of my son growing up and having the Most Uncomfortable Conversation Ever with him.
Son: I want you to know something about me.
Dad: I think I know what you’re going to say, and I want you to know, it’s all right. Your mother and I love you just as you are. There’s nothing wrong with being gay.
Son: I’m a vampire.
Dad: (Pause) There’s nothing wrong with being gay.
Son: I’m not gay, Dad. I’m straight. But I have a need for fresh human blood.
Dad: (Longer pause) You and your boyfriend are always welcome to come home, and I want you to know . . .
Son: I don’t have a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend. She’s a dental hygienist, and she’s Type O Positive. Dad, we’re vampires, and we’re happy together. We drink each other’s blood. Vampires, Dad.
Dad: Couldn’t you just try to be gay? For your mother?
This concludes my plug for the book. The author, Paul Bibeau, also points out that he has a new blog, The Dracula Innocence Project. “Was Dracula framed? Why did a small group of people chase a terrified Transylvanian dignitary through the streets of London, and fatally run him through with a blade? We’ll examine the evidence. You be the judge.” Check it out!