Over at Convictions, Adam White notes that Chief Justice Roberts’ recent citation to Bob Dylan has been one-upped by the following introduction from a new D.C. Circuit opinion by Judge Janice Rogers Brown:
BROWN, Circuit Judge:
Forty years ago Jimi Hendrix trilled his plaintive query: “Is this love, baby, or is it … [just] confusion?” JIMI HENDRIX, Love or Confusion, on ARE YOU EXPERIENCED (Reprise Records 1967). In this False Claims Act case, we face a similar question involving a mortgage subsidy program initiated in that era: Is this fraud, or is it … just confusion? K & R Limited Partnership says it is the former, alleging that during the last 15 years, MassHousing has knowingly submitted excessive claims for subsidy payments to the federal government. The district court granted summary judgment for MassHousing, United States ex rel. K & R Ltd. P’ship v. Mass. Hous. Fin. Agency, 456 F. Supp. 2d 46 (D.D.C. 2006), and we affirm because there is no genuine issue as to whether MassHousing knew its claims were false.
If the trend of quoting lyrics popular when the judge was a young adult keeps up, we can imagine a lot of passages from judicial opinions of the future.
For example, here’s a possible opening passage from an OSHA opinion from the DC Circuit in 2025:
ADLER, Circuit Judge:
The Department of Labor’s Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) promulgated new rules for General Working Conditions in Lunar Employment. The petitioners claim that the new rules do not satisfy the statutory requirements of workplace safety — in the words of Men Without Hats, that they do not dance “the Safety Dance.” MEN WITHOUT HATS, Safety Dance, on RHYTHM OF YOUTH (Statik Records 1982) (“And we can act like we come from out of this world, Leave the real one far behind, And we can dance”). Finding no error, we affirm.
And here’s a possible opening for a Ninth Circuit sentencing appeal from 2035:
ROWLEY, Circuit Judge.
The defendant in this case was convicted of felony distribution of narcotics. At sentencing, the defendant claimed that his aspirations for lawful employment render criminal punishment inappropriate in his case. The defendant’s aspirations resemble Snoop Dogg’s dream “to own a fly casino, like Bugsy Siegel, and do it all legal, and get scooped up by the little homie in the Regal.” TUPAC SHAKUR FEAT. SNOOP DOGGY DOGG, 2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted, ALL EYEZ ON ME (Death Row Records 1996). Because we are bound by the Supreme Court’s recent Eighth Amendment jurisprudence, we are required to vacate the conviction.
Any guesses on what judicial opinions from 2050 might look like?