I have a Slate piece this morning on the subject. It’s got 1069, III, Mary R., Misteri Nigger, Santa Claus (plus Santa Robert Clause), Koriander, They, and even Darren QX [pronounced “Lloyd”] Bean!. (I use the period after the exclamation point advisedly.) Check it out.
The article also prompted some more submissions from readers. Chris Jenkins and Kevin Wells e-mailed me about Sheppard v. Speir (Ark. App. 2004), involves litigation between two unmarried parents over a child’s name (a topic I didn’t cover in my Slate piece). The name was “Weather’By Dot Com Chanel Fourcast Sheppard,” selected by the mother; the father, a TV weatherman, sued for custody of the child, got it, and tried to change the name to Samuel Charles Speir. The question was whether Samuel Charles Speir was so unusual a name that it should be rejected.
No, wait, let me check my notes. OK, the question was about Weather’By Dot Com Chanel Fourcast, and the appellate opinion provides this excerpt from an exchange between the trial judge and the mother:
The Court: I simply do not understand why you named this child — his legal name is Weather’by Dot Com Chanel Fourcast Sheppard. Now, before you answer that, Mr. — the plaintiff in this action is a weatherman for a local television station.
Sheppard: Yes.
The Court: Okay. Is that why you named this child the name that you gave the child?
Sheppard: It — it stems from a lot of things.
The Court: Okay. Tell me what they are.
Sheppard: Weather’by — I’ve always heard of Weatherby as a last name and never a first name, so I thought Weatherby would be — and I’m sure you could spell it b-e-e or b-e-a or b-y. Anyway, Weatherby.
The Court: Where did you get the “Dot Com”?
Sheppard: Well, when I worked at NBC, I worked on a Teleprompter computer.
The Court: All right.
Sheppard: All right, and so that’s where the Dot Com [came from]. I just thought it was kind of cute, Dot Com, and then instead of — I really didn’t have a whole lot of names because I had nothing to work with. I don’t know family names. I don’t know any names of the Speir family, and I really had nothing to work with, and I thought “Chanel”? No, that’s stupid, and I thought “Shanel,” I’ve heard of a black little girl named Shanel.
The Court: Well, where did you get “Fourcast”?
Sheppard: Fourcast? Instead of F-o-r-e, like your future forecast or your weather forecast, F-o-u, as in my fourth son, my fourth child, Fourcast. It was —
The Court: So his name is Fourcast, F-o-u-r-c-a-s-t?
Sheppard: Yes….
The Court: All right. Now, do you have some objection to him being renamed Samuel Charles?
Sheppard: Yes.
The Court: Why? You think it’s better for his name to be Weather’by Dot Com Chanel … Fourcast, spelled F-o-u-r-c-a-s-t? And in response to that question, I want you to think about what he’s going to be — what his life is going to be like when he enters the first grade and has to fill out all [the] paperwork where you fill out — this little kid fills out his last name and his first name and his middle name, okay? So I just want — if your answer to that is yes, you think his name is better today than it would be with Samuel Charles, as his father would like to name him and why. Go ahead.
Sheppard: Yes, I think it’s better this way.
The Court: The way he is now?
Sheppard: Yes. He doesn’t have to use “Dot Com.” I mean, as a grown man, he can use whatever he wants.
The Court: As a grown man, what is his middle name? Dot Com Chanel Fourcast?
Sheppard: He can use Chanel, he can use the letter “C.” …
The court of appeals finished with, “we hold that the trial court did not err in determining that it was in the child’s best interest to change his name.”
Robert Schwartz also mentions professional comedian Woody Volcano Viagra, but this sporting event I’m running here operates on a strictly amateur basis.
UPDATE: From Patricia Reardon comes the case of Romanceo Sir Tasty Maxibillion. Romanceo — er, Adrian Scott Williams — lost, because he was a felon and the state persuaded the court that its “legitimate need to identify Williams by his current name constituted sufficient cause … to deny Williams’ petition.”