How Does He Know When You’ve Been Bad or Good?

I’ve posted this before, but in light of recent developments I thought it was worth reposting. This was supposedly written for and sung at a U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel Christmas party during the Carter administration; please let me know if you have a more precise attribution:

You’d better watch out,
You’d better not cry,
You’d better not pout;
I’m telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He’s bugging your room,
He’s reading your mail,
He’s keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn’t get the goods,
Then he’ll use provocateurs.

So — you mustn’t assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He’ll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

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