Cingular [Tries to] Patent Use of Emoticons on Cell Phones:
I think this is an important step forward for America. How else are we going to encourage cell phone users to come up with new ways to send text messages? I plan to file my first patent application soon, for "A Method of Using Communications Networks to Distribute Snarky Commentary About Silly Patents."

UPDATE: VC commenters point out that this story is inaccurate. It seems that Cingular applied for the patent, but the application has not been examined and no patent has been obtained.