That seems to be the true substance of Slate‘s latest feature, Kerryism of the Day.
The complaint: “the pomposity and evasiveness of John Kerry.” The structure of the critique:
Here’s how to read a Kerryism. The text below is Kerry’s quote translated into plain English. Kerry’s actual quote, however, is full of caveats and pointless embellishments. To read these, click the numbers above the text, which will take you to the caveats and embellishments, presented as footnotes. (Words in brackets before a number are what a normal person would have substituted for the ornate phrase Kerry delivered. To see the ornate phrase, click the number and read the footnote.) To return to the main text, click the number at the beginning of any footnote. To see the whole quote as Kerry delivered it, with all the caveats and embellishments, click here. To get back to this Kerryism, click “Return to English version.”
Their evidence for today:
“Let me just say1 that the2 abuse of Iraqi prisoners3 is4 unacceptable5. And the response of the administration6 has been slow7. I believe the president needs to [give]8 an explanation. What happened there has done a disservice to all of our troops9 10 11, and it12 undermines America’s13 efforts in the region. It [puts]14 our troops15 in further jeopardy. It can increase acts of terror against America16, and it undermines the17 effort of the United States in the region. So18 it is important to [understand]19 this as rapidly as possible and to make that explanation20 to the world.”
—Los Angeles, May 5, 2004
[3] which the world has now seen
[6] —certainly the Pentagon—
[8] guarantee that the world is going to have
[9] who serve with great valor
[10] and greater courage
[11] and, I think, with distinction
I’m no political expert, but it seems to me that Kerry had very good reason to include much that he included — and most of it was neither pompous nor evasive. It wasn’t pointless embellishment because it had a perfectly good political point.
Consider Slate‘s deletions 2, 4, and 5 (I’ll incorporate deletions 1 and 3, which are indeed good edits). These changed Kerry’s words from “Let me just say that the horrifying abuse of Iraqi prisoners is absolutely unacceptable and inexcusable” to “Let me just say that the abuse of Iraqi prisoners is unacceptable.” I don’t see what’s pompous or pointless about stressing that Kerry thinks that the abuse is not just unacceptable, but absolutely unacceptable, horrifying, and inexcusable. The words that Slate would delete may not add much purely logical substance. But they are valuable intensifiers that help convey (especially in an oral presentation) the strength of his feelings.
Likewise, consider deletions 6 and 7, which change the next sentence from Kerry’s own “And the response of the administration, certainly the Pentagon, has been slow and inappropriate” to Slate‘s “And the response of the administration has been slow.” I take it that Kerry was trying to get in a special dig at the Pentagon — a more concrete target than the more abstract administration — and also stress that the administration’s actions were inappropriate (i.e., substantively inadequate, even regardless of the timing) as well as slow.
I likewise think Kerry had good reason for saying what Slate faults in deletion 8, but let’s go on to the next sentence. Kerry said “What happened there has done a disservice to all of our troops who serve with great valor and greater courage and, I think, with distinction.” Slate would change this to “What happened there has done a disservice to all of our troops.” But it seems to me quite politically sensible — hardly pointless or pompous — for Kerry, who’s faulting the administration for the misconduct of a few troops, to at the same time praise our troops generally. I agree that “and, I think, with distinction” only weakens the statement, and should go. But “What happened there has done a disservice to all of our troops who serve with great valor and greater courage” is probably politically much better than Slate‘s overedited version.
I agree with some of Slate‘s other edits and disagree with others, but I won’t take your time further with that. I hope I’ve supported, though, my basic point: The author of Kerryisms seems to have come up with some ideal, Spartan style and is faulting Kerry for not conforming to the style. But this style omits much of the emotional content that politicians understandably want to include, and some of the repetition that speakers often find to be helpful in oral presentations (even if it would be distracting or unnecessary in written work). Kerry has very good reasons to use his own style — and many aspects of that style that Slate condemns are not pompous, evasive, or pointless.
More broadly, while I applaud Slate‘s willingness to “cast an equally cold eye” on both candidates, I shudder to think of what would happen if Kerryisms became the same sort of column as Bushisms — a continuing quest for something that the author can nail Kerry on, with the “gotchas” often being simply legitimate differences of style or errors of the sort that most speakers routinely make. A better sort of equal treatment, I think, would be to retire both columns.
Finally, I express no opinion on whether Kerry is indeed often pompous or evasive, or engages in pointless embellishment. I also can’t speak to how Kerry’s statement here came across orally — maybe his delivery was lousy, even if the text was fine. I say only that this is a pretty poor example of what Slate is seemingly trying to prove. And it bodes ill for this column.
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